The Rooms · 08 of 12
The Wedding
Somebody else's day. Every decision in this section follows from that one sentence.
What they’re reading
Whether you respected the dress code, and whether you're going to become a problem after ten o'clock.
What to wear
Follow the invitation exactly. It isn't a suggestion and the couple chose those words carefully.
Black tie means a tuxedo. Not a dark suit with a bow tie. If you don't own one, rent one, and get it altered.
Black tie optional means a tuxedo or your darkest suit with a tie.
Cocktail means a suit.
Semi-formal or dressy casual means a jacket and trousers, tie optional.
Beach or destination means lighter fabric and lighter color, and it still means a jacket exists somewhere on your body at the ceremony.
Never white. Never ivory. Never the color the wedding party is wearing, which takes one text message to find out.
What to bring
The gift sent ahead, not carried in. Cash for the bar, the valet, and the coat check.
When to arrive
Thirty minutes before the time printed on the invitation, which is earlier than the ceremony actually starts. Sliding in as the processional begins is a story people tell for years and it's never a good one.
The first sixty seconds
Find the couple only when there's no line. One sentence, warm and specific, then move. They have two hundred of these and the kindest thing you can do is be brief.
How to act
Listen for
the register the family sets. Every wedding has one, somewhere between solemn and loose, and it's set within the first hour. You match it. You don't lead it and you definitely don't try to change it.
When you speak
not during anything. Not the ceremony, not the toasts, not the first dance, not the father walking her in. That should be obvious and every year it isn't.
How you speak
warm and brief with the couple. With the strangers at your table, ask how they know the couple. That single question works every time and it's the only one you need for the entire evening.
Your body
dance if there's dancing. Not dancing is more conspicuous than dancing badly, and people forgive the second one instantly.
The thing you can't fake
being happy for them. If you're not, that's your business, but then it's a short night and a quiet exit, not a long night and a comment somebody repeats.
The mistake
Drinking at the pace an open bar makes possible. It's free and it's four hours and the math is not on your side.
And speeches. If you weren't asked, you don't have one.
The guide
All twelve rooms,
with the drawings.
Fifty-eight pages. Free, and there is no email field.